so explain again why im purple
no
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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