I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
whose parrot is this?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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