I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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