so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
