you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
