I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your penis caused this!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
