He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
