Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
