I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
