just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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