i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
