so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
