I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
