I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize