She's JV to your varsity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So. Much. Porn.
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