Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
