I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
