hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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