You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
