My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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