dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
