i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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