If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
