Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
