i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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