In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
