It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
