Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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