Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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