Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
