I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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