I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
