foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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