I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
