She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
