You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
