You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
