I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
