Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
