i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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