I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
