I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
