Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
