an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
