If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize