Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
