I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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