so explain again why im purple
no
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
