I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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