If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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