I wanna bring you to show and tell
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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