he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
