life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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