this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
