I'm going to jail i love you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
