I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't turn off my feet"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
