There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
