Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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