Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
