we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
