Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
