I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
