Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
