Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
