I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
