mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
