then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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