He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish I could teleport
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
high people should be assigned attendants
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
