I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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