Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
