Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
