my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So squirting runs in the family.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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