Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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