know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
