They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
