he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
