five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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