Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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