YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
