Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
