When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
