She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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