I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
