he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
